Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Apologies! [Please take time to read]

Wow, what a relief to be back! I will start off by wishing you all a very happy Easter and I hope you have spent it well (with lot's of chocolate obviously) Unfortunately I haven't been on here in what feels like ages so I'm really behind with all of my posts  which makes me very sad :( I will eventually do my OOTD which I said in my last post I would do but my camera broke then loads of stuff happened and it was all a big kerfuffle. I hope you don't all hate me for being so useless but I have had a lot on my plate recently so have been unable to find the time/ haven't been in the right state of mind to post. There are some reasons that I will explain to you in this post, however some I can't say as they are very serious and personal to me.

So here we go, where do I start?...
Here seems a good place. (This point will be very brief as it is very personal to me)As I mentioned on my goals and ambitions page, I don't have very much self confidence and I suffer from anxiety. In the last month all of the upset and lowness inside has built up a lot worse than it already was and eventually all the feelings I had bottled up inside came out to my closest friends and family. I didn't intend to tell anyone and the only reason they found out is because my teacher noticed and rung my parents and told me to  tell my best friends. However I am grateful that they are aware now as I am receiving lot's of help and am beginning to feel a lot better in myself and even though I do still feel these horrible emotions, I know that there will be someone there who will help me through it. I was really reluctant about my parents finding out in fear of them being 'disappointed in me' and 'upset with the person I've become' as at the time I felt incredibly low and didn't see why anyone would care. But since telling them I realise that it's not something that should be bottled up inside and I don't know what might have happened if I hadn't told someone. If you reading this have or know someone who has these kind of feelings or self harm, don't keep it behind closed doors, don't hide it behind a fake smile, tell someone, your friends, your parents, a teacher, a doctor, anyone you can trust. Because people do care and will help you see the end, and even if it feels like it won't get better, telling someone will get you that step closer to recovery.

"If you don't see anything beautiful, buy a better mirror. Look a little closer. Stare a little longer. Because there is something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to give up"

This happened just over a week ago and again left me with no emotional/ physical strength to do anything. 
Those who know me, will know that Tia was a huge part of my life and family and loosing her was one of the worst things to happen at one of the most inconvenient times. 

On the 4th November 1999, this beautiful fluff ball was born into our world. Out off all the puppies she was my girl (well the only girl haha) and from the age of one, I instantly became attached to her so she became ours. After a few years of growing up together he beautiful mother Micia, sadly passed away. As I was only young I don't really remember this but I do remember lying next to Tia and crying into her coat. It was these moments that made us even stronger as a pair and from then on she became that missing piece in my heart. Wherever I went, I always wanted Tia there with me, we went on walks together, on holiday together and even slept next to each other. She was always the sister I never had and she will never be replaced. She was my comfort when I was sad and lonely, and was always there through thick and thin. We used to have these silly games we used to play and would roll around on the floor together like we had no troubles in the world.   We used to do this everyday up until she became ill...

Finding out there was nothing the vets could do for her was the most horrible news I have ever been told. I didn't want to believe that someone who meant so much to me was going to be taken away. I remember just collapsing to the floor in disbelief and feeling so sick I couldn't move for an hour. It was down to me to decide when it was going to be done and she was so ill, It finally hit me that she needed to be put out of her pain. Now thinking back I realise it was the right thing to do and even though she's not physically there, she will always be there in my heart and no one will ever replace her.She was a huge part of our family and gave us all so much but, sadly on the 22/03/2013 we had to say goodbye. :( Never forgotten, forever in our hearts. Sleep in peace angel xoxo


  1. so proud that you have let all this out, you're amazing <3 ilu and stay strong
    rip tia xo

    1. awwh thank you beautiful, ilu too :) xox

  2. I think its really brave of you to have written this post :) I know people who suffer with anxiety and how hard it can be , and although I obviously don't know you, im glad your getting help and support :) X

    1. aw thank you so much, this means a lot :) x

  3. If Laura hadnt directed me here, I would have never d\found your amazing blog. I dont have anxiety so i obviously couldn't even imagine what you sometimes go through but after a bit a research and reading about other people's anxiety, i can tell it's a lot harder then it sounds. One thing I know for sure is that keeping it in is never a good thing, I used to that a lot last time cause i felt like no one would even care but one day i felt so absolutely horrible and down and my friend noticed and she prompted me to talk to her. That was all i needed. Just a little sign that someone else cares. Feeling like you arent alone is amazing and does wonders for your self esteem. Oh god I dont know where this all came from. I just wanted to tell you what a lovely post this is and hope you dont ever ever feel alone in your time of need. Haha so sorry for this absurdly long comment :)

    1. aww thank you so much, that's such a lovely comment! I agree its so much better to tell someone rather than keep it all bottled up. Best wishes to you too! xo